


GROWING DESPERATE FROM THE FIGHT

by OwlAlly



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, BAMF Original Character(s), BAMF Stiles, Hurt Stiles, M/M, Magical Stiles Stilinski, Mpreg, Original Character(s), Rape, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sad Stiles Stilinski, Spark Stiles Stilinski, Stiles Has Panic Attacks, Stiles Leaves Beacon Hills, Stiles Leaves the Pack, Stiles is Pushed Out of the Pack, The Pack Being Idiots, Werewolf baby
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-14
Updated: 2016-09-01
Packaged: 2018-06-02 03:31:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6548875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OwlAlly/pseuds/OwlAlly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The pack was fighting other alphas, and everyone was busy, even Peter who seem to enjoy breaking every bones he could reach. Stiles had come, and stayed watching from afar, waiting for the pack to need a backup. But an alpha had caught him, had dragged him away from the fight and then…</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there ! This story will be two chapters long I think, and I have no idea when I'll post the rest. Let me know what you think ! un-betaed, all mistakes are mine, signal them please !  
> Also, ther's the sterek tag, but I'm not sure about it yet... since I ship them so hard, they MAY end up together ;p  
> The title is from "The Messenger", a song from Linkin Park, my fav' band.  
> I'll give you the lyrics, because they deserve to be heard !
> 
>  
> 
> "The Messenger"
> 
> When you feel you're alone  
> Cut off from this cruel world  
> Your instinct's telling you to run
> 
> Listen to your heart  
> Those angel voices  
> They'll sing to you  
> They'll be your guide  
> Back home
> 
> When life leaves us blind  
> Love keeps us kind  
> It keeps us kind
> 
> When you've suffered enough  
> And your spirit is breaking  
> You're growing desperate from the fight
> 
> Remember you're loved  
> And you always will be  
> This melody will bring you right  
> Back home
> 
> When life leaves us blind  
> Love keeps us kind  
> When life leaves us blind  
> Love keeps us kind
> 
>  
> 
> Enjoy, see you soon !

Stiles lifted up his head. He had just been throwing up in the toilets of his house. He groaned, feeling a wave of nausea hitting him. It took him fifteen minutes to be able to stand up. He looked at the mirror, and what he saw would’ve scared him if he didn’t felt so numb. His brown hair was messy, he was pale as death, and had huge bags under his eyes. He hadn’t slept in days, and had been throwing up every morning and even during the days since… since that night. The pack was fighting other alphas, and everyone was busy, even Peter who seem to enjoy breaking every bones he could reach. Stiles had come, and stayed watching from afar, waiting for the pack to need a backup. But an alpha had caught him, had dragged him away from the fight and then…

***

He went to see Deaton, because he was sure as hell that what the alpha did to him wasn’t without consequences and that it may be the reason why he felt so sick. And he was right. So very right in fact that he didn’t believe it at first.

“Come again?”

Deaton sighed. It was the fourth time already.

“You’re pregnant.”

“Come ag..”

“Stiles!” interrupted the veterinarian. “Repeating it over and over will not change it. What happened to you is very rare, and I have never seen it before. But I will make researches and ask the good people. You’ll be fine.”

“I’m a dude.” Protested Stiles. “I can’t. I can’t have a baby. It is not biologically possible. Look at my chest man, I’m flat, no boobs here. No vagina, or uterus either, nothing, absolutely nothing in this body can make a baby grow in it.  It’s not possible!” he shouted, freaking out.

“It’s possible for an alpha to breed a human male, even if it happens once or twice every century. Now, what you have to do is to talk to the alpha okay? He has to know. I assume Derek is the father.”

Stiles froze.

_“He’s almost naked on the cold floor of the forest. There are blood teeth marks printed all over his body -human teeth, thank god for that one- and he aches all over. He feels disgusting. He turns over and throws up, gasping and couching. When he finally stops, he gathers the strength to stand up, and clenches to his chest what is left of his clothes. He is freezing. He goes home, but doesn’t really remember how. He knows he is in shock. He comes back to his senses when he is in his bathroom. His dad wasn’t home, and he thinks it’s the first time he is happy about it. He locks the door, and let the bits of tissue slide off his body. Then he looks in the full-body mirror. And almost throws up again. His whole body is covered in mud, leaves and other unidentified things. He knows that there are two trails of blood running down his tights to his feet and that he is still bleeding. It hurts. He enters the shower, and when the water hits his shoulder he has to clench his teeth not to cry out. He lets the sobs wrench him, whimpers and real shouts escaping him as he lets go of his pain, slowly sorting out what just happened.”_

“TAKE IT OUT OF ME” he suddenly shouted, sitting up on the metal table of the vet’.

“TAKE THIS THING OUT !”

He didn’t wait for Deaton’s reaction, and threw himself on a blade left abandoned on a shelf, and aims his belly. He would have gutted himself out if the vet’ hadn’t taken his arm and somehow immobilized him, his two arms locked in his back, his upper-body pressed against the table while his feet barely touching the floor, Deaton practically lied down on him, using his weight to maintain the teen.

“What are you doing Stiles ???” shouted the man, his usual poker face now divided between fury and horror.

“I WANT THIS THING OUT OF ME”

“It’s your child, yours and Derek you can’t kill it!”

“Take it out!” actually began to cry Stiles, tears freely falling on the cold, hard metal.

“Even if Derek was okay for you to have an abortion, I couldn’t do it. Human males never survive it. There is no way for you to have this baby out unless by giving it birth, Stiles. For a human male, giving life is a magical act. You wouldn’t have been able to get pregnant if it was not for your spark. “

“Come on. I’ll let you free, and then we’ll talk to Derek alright?” said the emissary in a gentle tone.

“IT’S NOT DEREK’S !” Stiles shouted.

Deaton released him, and the teen sank down on the floor. He surrounded his legs with his arms and buried his head between his knees. He let out a broken sound, halfway between a sob and a laugh.

“I don’t even understand how you could get this idea into your head. The guy hates my guts. He keeps shouting at me and pushing me into walls. If it was not for Scott, I would be out of the pack. And since Scott hates me because while I was possessed by the Nogitsune I almost killed his girlfriend, I don’t even know why I’m still in.”

Deaton slowly crouches in from of the younger.

“Stiles, it’s okay. They’ll sort things out. Just give them time. Meanwhile, you have to talk to the father. You have to tell him. I can go with you if you are afraid. Just tell me his name okay?”

Stiles let out a chocked sound and began to cry for real.

“I don’t know his name.”

“What? I don’t under…”

“It wasn’t consensual.” Stiles let out, low and trying not to break down completely.

Deaton inhaled sharply, chocked, and put his hand on Stiles’ shoulder.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

“Hurt? Are you serious? I was r-raped and now I pregnant with some rogue alpha and you’re asking me if I’m actually hurt? I’m… I don’t have a name on how I feel. I wanna die.”

Deaton sighted and gently, forced Stiles up, and sit him back on the table. He checks him, looking for bruises and scratches.

“How long have you waited before coming to me?”

“A week.” Stiles let out in a whisper.

“You may have needed stitches back then, but now it’s too late. Some of this claws mark will leave scars. For the rest of them, they‘ll heal with time and care. Do I… ?”

“What?”

“Do I need to check down there too?” asked Deaton, as he moved his arm in Stiles direction.

The teen frowned, before getting it, and getting pale.

“ _No!_ ” He gasped.

Deaton winced.

“I don’t want to either, but I have to see if you are injured.”

“I don’t want to be touched.” Stiles began crying again.

“I promise I’ll be careful. I’ll stop when you’ll ask me to.”

It took several more cooing for Deaton to be able to examine the teen. Stiles kept his eyes closed the whole time, sobs wracking his body, fists clenched on his clothes. As soon as the vet was done, Stiles put his trousers back up, erasing his tears with the back of his hand. Deaton was looking at him with pity and softness. He gave him instructions to treat his injuries, asking him to come back every week so that they could check his health and the baby’s. Stiles nearly threw up when Deaton said “baby”. This thing wasn’t a baby. It was… it was a parasite.

“You need to tell the pack Stiles. A male pregnancy only lasts three months, at best. ” Deaton said slowly, as Stiles was gathering up his stuff.

Stiles’ heart skipped a beat before accelerating. The fear must have showed in the look he shot at the vet, because he gently put his hand on his shoulder.

“They’ll help you. It’ll be easier. They will know, sooner or later. Ask for a pack meeting, and call me if they have any questions.”

Stiles barely nodded before running out of the animal clinic. He got in the jeep, and banged his head on the wheel. He didn’t realise. Not really. Most like, he didn’t want to. He forced himself not to think, and tried to call Scott, only to be shut off. He tried to call every member of the pack, but none of them responded. He figured out that he could as well go directly to the loft and ask Derek to summon them, he certainly would have more chance to reach his betas. Before that, Stiles decided he needed coffee. He stopped at Nancy’s, a coffee shop he and Scott were used to go to. He was about to enter the building when Scott opened the door to get out.

“Scott! I… I wanted to talk to you, I…” began Stiles, but Scott shoved him aside, not even sparing him a glance.

“I have to see Alison, later.” He let out, before climbing in his mom’s car and driving away.

Stiles stood by the door, astonished, his eyes tearing up. Scott had behaved this way since the Nogitsune. Stiles didn’t know how to make him forgive him. He had tried to tell him he was sorry, to tell Allison he was sorry, but none of them would listen. Fighting of his tears and anxiety, Stiles climbed back in his car and headed toward Derek’s loft. When he got there, the cars of the whole pack were there. Even his father’s. Swallowing hard, Stiles took the elevator and entered Derek’s loft. They were all there. Allison, Boyd, Erica, Isaac, Scott, Peter, Jackson, Lydia, Derek, Aiden, Ethan, his dad. Stiles bit nervously his lips before walking towards the sofa, but before he could tell anything, Derek interrupted him:

“What are you doing here?”

Scott frowned at him:

“You followed me? You were not invited Stiles.”

Stiles felt like someone had just punched him in the guts. He felt his eyes tear up.

“But why ? I’m pack too…” he whined.

Jackson snorted, and Lydia spoke up:

“About that. We were kind of thinking that we needed space from what had happened. Do you understand Stiles? “

Stiles felt cold all over. His hands were trembling.

“But it’s not my fault I… I’m not responsible for the Nogitsune, I…”

“We’ll talk to you later Stiles.” Said firmly Erica.

“But … b-but I need you now, I… I have to tell you something and…”

“Stiles we’re nicely trying to tell you out, so take the hint and go home.” Added Allison, her face as cold as a stone.

Stiles looked hopelessly at his father and at his best friend. Who refused to look back.

“D…Dad… I…”

The Sheriff shook his head.

“You better go home Stiles.”

Stiles let out a broken sob.

“N-No I.. Please I have to tell you something I… I need your help and …”

“Go home!” Growled Derek, his eyes flashing red, his claws out.

Stiles jumped, and looked at him in fear.

“What home ?” he asked quietly, before bursting into tears and turning his heels.

Then he ran away, jumping in his jeep and driving. After a moment of driving aimlessly, he took his decision. He’s never coming back to Beacon Hills. He pressed the accelerator.

***

“So” asked Isaac, “When are we talking to Stiles again?”

The whole pack looked at him in annoyance. They were all having a Saturday of at Derek’s, each of them eating, playing video games or reading.

“You’re ruining the mood !” Growled Erica.

Scott gave him the nasty eye, holding tighter on Allison, who was sprawled on his lap.

Isaac rolled his eyes.

“Come on, it’s been two weeks, almost three. We’ve had all the space we needed by now.”

“You’re not the one who was traumatized.” Countered Lydia, clearly annoyed.

“Isaac was almost gutted out by a sword.” Pointed out Boyd.

Everyone turned their eyes on him.

“He was the one to be possessed right? It mustn’t be easy for him either. Jackson, you should know.”

Jackson looked sheepish for a second before flashing his eyes threateningly.

“Very well.” Interrupted Derek, from the corner he was brooding at. “Scott, call him and tell him to come.”

“Why me?” Whined the beta.

“You’re his best friend or not?” grunted Aiden.

Scott mumbled under his breath, but took out his phone, dialled the number, and went straight to the voice mail. He frowned in confusion.

“He never turns off his phone.”

“He must be sulking. Let’s leave it for tomorrow, at school.”

“Now that you’re talking about it, I haven’t seen him at school lately.” Muttered Allison.

“That’s because he’s invisible.” Laughed Jackson.

Peter growled at that, from where he was sitting on the stairs. Jackson gulped down.

“Fine!” groaned Derek. “Raise up, we’re going at the Sheriff’s.”

His order was met with protests that he shoot down by a flash of red eyes.

Ten minutes later, they were all banging on the Sheriff’s door.  The man opened it up, looking confused.

“We’re here to see Stiles.” Said Derek instead of a greeting.

The sheriff let them in.

“He’s not here. I haven’t seen him lately, and the school says he hasn’t been in classes since two weeks. I thought he was at one of your houses, and I wanted you to tell him that he would be grounded for missing school since he doesn’t answer my calls.”

They all make faces, and Peter pushed everyone to climb up the stairs in haste. When he came down, he looked worried.

“The scent is weeks old.  None of his stuff seems to be missing.”

Suddenly, there’s a knock on the door.

“There.” Said the Sheriff. “it should be him, no reason to worry.”

He went to open the door, only to find Deaton on the other side.

“Hello Sheriff Stilinski. May I see Stiles please? He missed three appointments, and I really have to talk to him.”

“Appointments ?” asked the Sheriff in confusion, at the same time Peter was saying “He’s missing”.

They all gave strange looks to the older wolf.

“He’s not missing.” Said Scott, rolling his eyes.

“Isn’t he?” growled Peter, becoming more and more angry. “He hasn’t come to school. His scent is weak, his stuff is all here, your calls only meet voicemail and no one has seen him in almost three weeks. From what I know, he doesn’t have any other friend besides the pack, does he? So how do you call that? Taking a vacation?”

The sheriff and Scott went pale.

“Where’s my son?”

“It’s a disaster !” exclaimed Deaton. “In his state, he’ll die without help !”

“what state ?” growled Derek.

Deaton’s eyes widen, before narrowing them angrily.

“What happened the last time you saw him?”

“We told him we needed space from him. I don’t think that any of us has seen him since actually.” Admitted Lydia, looking guilty.

Deaton paled so much that Scott made him sit down.

“oh.“

“ What ? what’s happening ?“ asked the sheriff , panicking.

“It’s not my secret to tell.” Said Deaton, regaining his composure.

Derek let out a menacing growl.

“Deaton ! “

The vet glares at him, but finally decides to talk:

“I’m only telling you because who need to find him as soon as possible. You don’t deserve to be his pack. Talia Hale would be so disappointed in you Derek. Your mother would never have let one of her pack mates down” He said, his voice cold and face hardening.

Derek looked sheepish, but growled at the vet to tell them already.

Deaton didn’t look so sure. He glared at his hand, ignoring the sheriff’s plea. He took his decision, inhaled loudly and let out:

“he was raped by a rogue alpha, and is pregnant.”

The silence that followed was heavy and horrified.

“W-what ?” sputtered the Sheriff, shaking.

“He came to me weeks ago, his body full of scratches and bruises. He had been throwing up, seemed tired and had lost weight. So I checked him out and discovered he was pregnant.  I bandaged him and confronted him. He said that the father was a rogue alpha, who had attacked him a week ago. I suppose it was during the fight, and that none of you saw that he was missing. Then I told him to tell you, because male pregnancies are rare, and very dangerous and painful, and that he would need your help. We had made appointments every week so that I could check them both. He never came at the first two and I thought he needed time, but when he never showed up for the third I began to worry so I came here.”

“So, that’s what he wanted to tell us when he came to the loft. And we pushed him away.” Muttered Boyd.

The silence was still deafening, until Peters broke down. He banged his fists against a wall, making all the frames fall, and stormed out, shouting that he would find the boy, and insults to the pack.

The sheriff burst out in tears, whimpering Stiles name over and over.

Scott was becoming paler and paler, Allison trying to shake him out of it. Erica was crying, as Isaac, and Lydia, Jackson, the twins and Boyd looked sick.  Derek was frozen.

Deaton stood up.

“We really have to find him. I don’t know if you realize it, but without proper help and care, he will die. His body needs some magic beverage and contact with supernatural creatures. His spark won’t be enough to keep him alive and provide the baby. He needs power supplied by his pack. If he ever had one.” He declared, leaving the house without  any other word.

***

The pack searched Stiles for days, which turned in weeks, and in months. They found his jeep, abandoned and out of gas, a hundred miles away, headed north from Beacon Hills. His phone was on the driver’s seat, the battery gone flat ages ago. But nothing more than that. No scent, no witnesses, despite how many times the Sheriff sent request and demands to other station. The “Missing” signs covered half of the country’s board in vain. No one had seen the teenager. He had vanished, just like that. Deaton told them, two month after he had left, that Stiles had or given birth, or had died.

The pack took it hard, most of them unable to deal with the guilt of what they had done. How can you accept that someone was gone, had walked out of your life because you pushed him away?  The Sheriff began to drink again, and Derek had, in more than one occasion, to take him back home from the pub, where he would have slept otherwise, wasted. He almost lost his job. Scott broke up with Allison, unable to continue a relationship that had obviously caused the death, or at least the disappearance of his best friend. Derek’s moping increased so much that Isaac went to live at Scott’s. Erica and Boyd became distant with the pack. Jackson and Lydia’s fight happened more and more regularly, and became really violent. Peter, who had slowly begun to warm up, became a pain in Derek’s ass again. Melissa was disappointed in Scott, and Deaton often refused to help the pack with supernatural shit. Ethan and Aiden acted like they were always on the edge, like the pack would kick them out at every moment. It all took them years to become a real pack again. Until the day Stiles showed up at their new pack’s House’s doorstep.

***

Stiles sped up. His old Jeep was protesting loudly, but he didn’t pay attention to the engine. He was too busy trying to see past his watery eyes.

He headed north without thinking. He had no idea what to do or where to go. The only thing he knew was that he never wanted to see any members the pack again. He felt so betrayed. His own father refused to listen. His best friend wouldn’t give him a second chance. Lydia treated him like he was dirt. Erica despised him. And Derek… he didn’t want to think about him. And there was the… this thing inside him. So no, he was not thinking. He was running away.

He drove mindlessly, until the jeep sputtered, and he had to stop. He was on a parking lot, near a gas station. But he had not enough money to fill the tank again. His wallet was home. Well, at his father’s house. He watched as the sun set down,  people coming in or out of the store, carrying on with their life without a glance in his direction. He could hear birds sing, car passing by, human voices calling from time to time.

He wanted to call his Dad, so that he could bring him home, and surround him in his warmth. He wanted his father. His mother.  He needed someone to hug him and tell him everything was okay.  But he had no one. They had thrown him away. He let the sobs wrack him. He was so tired. It felt like he was hundred years old. He lied down on the back seat, curling on himself.  He fell asleep, exhausted. His sleep was dreamless and cold.

 When he woke up, it was nearly 5 p.m.  He felt sick. _Morning sickness_ he realized. Because he was fucking _pregnant_. And packless. Without any relative to rely on, no money and miles away from Beacon Hills. He got out of the jeep, and almost run to the toilets near the store. There, he emptied his stomach in the toilet, his belly clenching painfully as he heaved and coughed. When he was able to stand, he grabbed the faucet and looks at himself in the mirror. He was so pale, and looked so tired. And sad too. Like a beaten up kid or something. He went back to the car, and reached for his phone. It was out of battery. He put it back on the seat, locked up the car and decided that a walk would clear up his head. He wanted to think at peace, decide what the next step would be. He walked around aimlessly, freezing. His hands were deeps inside his hoodie’s pockets. He walked head low, wishing to go by unnoticed. A low ache was coming from his belly, climbing up his spine, making him grit his teeth to hold back a whimper. When it became too much, he found a deserted park and sat down an old and broken bench. He bring his knees to his torso and surrounded them with his arms, putting his head between his legs. The pain grew so much he almost cried out. His insides were tearing themselves apart, burning and twisting and inflating and shrinking back and he couldn’t breathe, he wanted it to stop, needed it to stop…

When the aches finally withdraw, he rose up his tearful face, only to jump back in fear. Someone was watching him from the other side of the aisle of the park. The dude, only a few feet away, was a giant, nearly 6’8 feet tall. Stiles’ heart was beating so hard it could burst out of his chest. The giant came closer, and Stiles shrunk back against the bench, trying to be as small as possible.

“Calm down.” Ordered the man.

Stiles had to try twice for a whimpers to leave his lips: “W-w-what do you want?”

The unknown giant flashed red for a second and Stiles reeled back so violently he practically passed over the back of the bench. His heartbeat skyrocketed and his breathing increased. He knew that the scent of his fear was spreading around him, calling for the bloodthirsted beast the alpha werewolf was hiding beneath his human skin. He was ready to bolt away, even if he knew that he certainly would not go far. He was slow, human, weak and sick. Isolated and miserable. The perfect prey, he realized.

“You have no right to be here.” Growled the Alpha. “What are you doing exactly and why hasn’t your Alpha send me a request to cross my territory?”

Stiles swallowed, shaking from head to toe, as a light rain began to drop.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know this city was your area.  I’m not part of any pack. Not anymore.” He muttered, griping at the wood of his seat.

The werewolf considered him for a few seconds, before titling his head on the side and pointing a finger at Stiles’ stomach.

“Is it because of him?”

Stiles felt all the blood leave his face, and thought that he could pass out right here, right now.

“How… How…”

The alpha’s face winced.

“I can hear his heartbeat. But not yours. Nor your scent. I’m sure I wouldn’t even have seen you if Apoline hadn’t felt your spark.”

“What do you want from me?” blurred out Stiles, too shocked to think. His spark.  His spark was working without he even knew it.

The werewolf came even closer.

“The only reason I haven’t killed you yet is because you seem harmless and sick. Well, I guess the fact that you are carrying a cub could hold me back too.”

Stiles fought the urge to vomit on the werewolf’s shoes. That might make him change his mind and he didn’t really want to end up as a chew toy for dogs. He took a sharp gasp of air.

“Yeah, well, it was nice talking to you and all, but I think I’m gonna go now.” He said weakly while trying to seat up.

“I don’t think so.” The man interrupted him.

Stiles stilled, before looking back at him.

“You said you wouldn’t kill me.”

“It didn’t mean you were free to leave. Follow me.”

Stiles obeyed. He knew that running away was useless now. And the werewolf had promised him he wouldn’t kill him right? He walked behind the gigantic werewolf, lightly shaking. Out of fear or cold, he wouldn’t know. His arms were surrounding his body, but he couldn’t get any warmth. And the pain in his belly had come back. They walked until they reached Stiles’ jeep.

“How do you know it’s my jeep, and that I am part of a pack if you can’t smell me?” asked Stiles as the alpha turned to face him.

“Apoline felt you coming in my territory. She saw you in that car. I watched you when you entered the town and followed you. You hid your scent, but left your car unprotected. You’re either stupid, or inexperienced.”

Well, if that wasn’t creepy. The werewolf had stalked him the whole night.

“Answer number two.” Grumbled Stiles. “I didn’t even know I could activate my spark and use it like that.”

The werewolf eyed him incredulously, but didn’t comment. He gestured for Stiles to follow him and opened the passenger’s door of an expensive looking car. Just Stiles luck. A dangerous Alpha in a black car that was worth fifteen times his jeep. It must be destiny. Stiles got in the car, clenching his hands on his belly and curling on himself, gritting his teeth. The pain was becoming unbearable, and he could see black dots clouding his vision. He let a whimper escape him, as the alpha started the engine.

The drive was silent, and Stiles supposed it was twenty minutes long, but he couldn’t really remember all of it as he tried to fight the pain off.

They stopped in front of an old house, surrounded by trees.

The werewolf got out of the car, and was by Stiles’ side in a heartbeat. His brow was frowned in worry.

“Do you want me to help you?” he asked softly.

Stiles nodded, but couldn’t help to flinch as he grabbed his arms. The alpha released him immediately, and said gently:

“I won’t hurt you.”

He put back his hand on the teen’s arm and helped him to the front door, and led him inside. They were welcomed by a woman in his pajamas, half asleep and holding two cups of coffee and one of orange juice.

“Sit him on the couch.” She groaned, as she put the cups on a small table and let herself fall on a blue love seat, coffee in hand.

The werewolf manhandled Stiles, sitting him on the enormous sofa, before he took his cup and pushed the woman aside to sat down too.

“I’m sorry.” said the woman, blinking heavily. “I’m more of a night owl than an early bird.”

The werewolf snorted and she glared at him.

“So.” She said, looking at Stiles. “What’s your name?”

Stiles answered through gritted teeth, trying very hard not to throw up and cry out.

The woman seemed to wake up a bit as she elbowed the alpha. Without a word, he reached above the table and took one of Stiles’ hands, ignoring his flinch, and began to take his pain away.

Stiles sighed in relief. His eyelid began to close. He couldn’t help it. He was still tired, the pain taking a huge toll on him. He hadn’t eaten since the day before and felt sick. He was asleep before his head touched the armrest.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait ! seems like this story will have more than two chapters in the end.
> 
> Let me know what you think :) 
> 
> All Mistakes are my own :/

He woke up startled, a strangled noise escaping his mouth. He gasped and heaved, shaking and trying madly to untangle from the covers. He sat up breathing noisily. His panicked gaze met beautiful eyes. He could see bits of blue, grey and yellow in them. It was the woman. She had long hair, and he couldn’t tell if it was blond or brown. Something between the middle. She looked really young, but her calmness told otherwise. She was still sprawled out on the love seat, but the light had changed and the werewolf had disappeared, so Stiles asked:

“How long was I out?”

She smiled sweetly.

“The whole day. It’s  6 a.m. You were pretty exhausted”

She offered him water that he took thankfully, and drank carefully. He put his glass down, and eyed her suspiciously.

“Err, so… May I ask who you are ?” he asked.

The woman’s smile grew wider as she crossed her legs.

“I’m Apoline. And you’re Stiles Stilinski.”

Stiles swallowed hard. He was certain he hadn’t told her his last name this morning.

“How do you know?”

She shook her head, her eyes somewhat amused.

“There are more than werewolves and sparks out there Stiles.”

Stiles tensed and looked at her, terrified.

“What are you then?” he asked, unable to prevent his voice form shaking. What had he gotten himself into?

“Let’s just say that my powers allow me to know a lot of things I’m not supposed to.” She answered with a wink.

Stiles grew more agitated as he questioned her:

“And what exactly do you know then?”

She titled her head, frowning a little, but her expression soft and caring.

“I know that you are tired, afraid, and anxious. That you ran away from home. That you’re sick, and in pain.”

Stiles scoffed.

“That’s nothing you can’t find out by simply looking at me.”

The woman tensed up, and her expression hardened.

“I know that your pack kicked you out. That an Alpha did a terrible thing to you, and that a pup is growing in your body.”  She snapped.

Stiles went pale,  and was ready to puke.

“Don’t ever doubt me again Stiles.” She warned him. “I don’t put up with smartasses very well, especially if they mock my talent.”

He looked at her, and a flare of anger rose in his chest.

“Well, fuck you too.” He gritted out. “It’s not because you know things and that your ego got hurt that it gives you the right to throw that shit to my face.”

Somewhere in the house, something made a shattering noise as it hit the floor.

Stiles startled, and looked at the woman with big, fearful eyes. He thought that he would see her furious, or at least annoyed that her guest talked to her that way, but instead, he found her smiling brightly, almost proudly.

“I knew I wasn’t wrong about you. That’s the spirit Stiles! Keep it up! Moping won’t get you anywhere.”

Agape, he stared at her.

“What? You’re not mad?”

She smiled fondly.

“No Stiles. You defended yourself, and it was okay to do so. I said insensitive things and it was your right to shut me up. I’m sorry, I was out of line. I’m happy now that I know you won’t stay silent and put up with my shit.”

Stiles glared at her incredulously.

“But you broke something…”

She laughed, her long hair dancing around her.

“It wasn’t me Stiles. My power won’t allow me to do that.  Your spark is much more powerful than you think it is.”

Stiles didn’t answer that one. He felt like he was in a roller-coaster. Silence fall on them, but Stiles didn’t feel uncomfortable. Until the pain came back, at full force. It made him stand up, panicked. He send Apoline a desperate look and she took the hint, pushing him towards the toilets were he throw back up the water he had just drank. She rubbed his back reassuringly, whispering gentle word as he cried out in pain. When the crisis was over, she almost dragged him back on the couch, where he laid, curling on himself shuddering and whimpering as the pain made him see stars. The front door burst open, as the werewolf came in. he hurried next to Stiles, who flinched and let out a small, but terrified cry. The Alpha sent him an apologetic glance as he slowly touched his hand, taking his pain away. The werewolf’s skin, a beautiful brown, looked almost dark against Stiles’ pale one.

It took almost ten minutes for the pain to recede, leaving a dull ache settling deep in his bones. When he opened his eyes, he met those of the Alpha. His eyes were still bleeding red, but Stiles could see a mix of pity, pain and anger.

“Thank you.” Whispered Stiles, erasing the few tears that had escaped him with the back of his hands.

“I don’t think we’ve been introduced yet.” Answered the werewolf. He kept his voice low, his eyes turning back to a light blue.

“My name’s Bendev. I’m the Alpha of this town. Apoline’s my pack. There’s no one else, and we would both know if any supernatural creature dared to set a foot in our territory. You’re safe here, more than anywhere else. I won’t let the fucker who touched you hurt you again. I promise.”

“Thanks.” Repeated Stiles, feeling his throat close. He almost chocked. His nausea was coming back, and not because of his sickness this time.

Bendev nodded and let go of the teen’s hand. He sat on the floor tought, next to the couch. Apoline joined him, nudging him with her shoulder, smiling.

Stiles looked at them both.

“Why would you help me?”

Apoline glanced at her Alpha before answering:

“You need it. I’ve seen you. You’re not a bad person. You’re alone, and I know what it’s like.”

She eyed Bendev before adding:

“We both know actually. And you are vulnerable at the moment. Not weak.” She said, squeezing Stiles’ ankle. “But you need protection and we want to provide it. You don’t need to join our pack, but you can stay with us, as long as you need and want to.”

“What would that give you?” retorted Stiles, still suspicious.

“We don’t want anything from you. Nor from your pup. We just want you to learn to trust us, as we’ll learn to trust you.” Replied Bendev.

Stiles kept quiet. He didn’t know what to answer to pure kindness. Apoline seemed to understand. She rose up, saying cheerfully:

“I’ll command pizza. Pepperoni, curly fries and ice tea for Stiles. Meat lover, potatoes and coke for Bendev. Alright, thank you guys for nothing!

Stiles opened his mouth, but caught the werewolf expression (resigned and fond) and closed it again. This power was totally badass. 

Stiles sat down slowly, under Bendev watchful eyes. He fiddled with the threads of the cover. He wasn’t really uneasy anymore. He felt relatively safe. Those people seemed to care about him. Maybe he could stay. He would have a roof above the head. Food. Warmth. And friends, eventually. He wasn’t sure he had the strength to continue anyway. Where would he have gone? No money, no place to hide. He would have been caught eventually, and taken back to his father. His father. Stiles’ anxiety rose up. Would the sheriff still care about him? He had disappointed him so many times. And those last words… they were so wrong. Felt so much like a betrayal. And how would he have reacted to his... to the… pup? Would he be disgusted that his son was a freak? That he would give birth to a monster’s cub?  Stiles’ breathing accelerated, and he felt the panic attack coming closer and closer. A hand on his knee made him jump and look up. Bendev eyed him carefully. He pointed at Stiles’ belly and asked:

“May I?”

Stiles froze, the question throwing him of the loop, his breathing halting and effectively stopping the attack.

“What.” He said, before he remembered that the Alpha had taken his pain away twice, and that it may be the time to show a little gratitude. So he nodded slowly, tensed. The werewolf smiled.

“I won’t hurt you.” He stated. Stiles nodded again, and the dark skinned man delicately putted his hand on Stiles abdomen, and even more unhurriedly, pressed his ear against his belly. He stayed like this for a few seconds, before moving back, smiling at Stiles.

“The cub is strong, and healthy. There aren’t many werewolves. This life is precious. His father may be a monster, but this life is innocent. Pure.”

Stiles didn’t felt the tears run down his cheeks before sobs made his whole body shudder.

“I’m not saying it’s a gift, because obviously, it wasn’t conceived with love and you didn’t want a child. But.”

The Alpha took a breath, and locked his eyes onto Stiles’.

“Once you’ve given birth, I offer to take care of him.”

Stiles made a questioning noise, trying to talk but silenced by hiccups.

“The baby will be a werewolf. That a question of genetics. Werewolf’s genes always overpower human’s ones. It's a boy. I feel it. The cub will need a pack. Apoline and I would get it if you wouldn’t want to take care of him.”

He made a rumbling noise.

“Well, not approve, but understand. But I know we’d be able to love him and protect him like a child needs to be. And make him part of the pack. Right?” He asked, turning his head.

Apoline, who was leaning against the wall, nodded. She didn’t say a thing as she came closer and sat down next to her Alpha. She handed Stiles a tissue.

The teenager sniffed a few times before speaking, carefully choosing his words.

“I don’t… I don’t know what I’m going to do yet. I mean, I don’t… I don’t hate the baby.” He said hesitantly, under Apoline’s encouraging smile.

“But I’m not even eighteen yet, and…”

He was interrupted by Bendev ferocious growl. His chest seemed to vibrate with the force of it. He snarled something like “I’m gonna _slauther_ his motherfucker. He’s still a _child_ for fuck sake” before Apoline slapped his arm and his eyes stopped glowing. He mumbled a “sorry” and Stiles took a deep breath.

“And I’m not ready to have a baby.”

“Honey, no one’s ever ready.” Replied Apoline sweetly.

“But I’m not a woman!” cried Stiles desperately.

Apoline frowned. 

“Do you really think women are the only one to have children? Father may not give birth but they still have the child. To raise kids isn’t something only women are able to do.”

Stiles sighted.

“I know, I just… I guess I’m trying to find excuses.  I’m just not ready!” he cried at loud.

“It wasn’t supposed to happen! I didn’t want to have a child! I wanted to go to college, I wanted to be friends with the pack, I wanted my dad to… to…” He tried to articulate trough sobs.

“I want my dad!” He went full on crying, almost seizing under his emotions, and Apoline gathered him in her arms, trying to smooth him. She smelled good, some kind of flowered perfume. It was her feminine scent, and her motherly aura that calmed Stiles, as well as Bendev’s reassuring touch, taking his pain away, and surrounding the two of them in is protective embrace. Stiles fell asleep out of exhaustion, his hands clutching at his belly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unsteady- X-ambassadors  
> There were tears- Imany  
> Cemeteries of London- Coldplay  
> Bleeding out - Imagine Dragon
> 
>  
> 
> For the ones who followed my other story, "You should have listened", well I'm really sorry that there isn't any updates since february... I've been busy, and when I had time, I concentrated on other stories... but i'll finish it ! One day ... :(


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for all the ones who asked it but I’ve tried and read some fanfic and I am definitely not a Steter fan. Sorry. Don’t know why, I just don’t like their dynamic as a couple I guess. I find them fantastic as frenemies, but I can’t picture myself writing them any other way, it wouldn’t be good ^^ sorry !
> 
> And I would like to say that the next chapter is gonna have to wait a bit maybe. School started today, and I am in my final year, and I fear i'm gonna be too busy to sleep, let alone write :(
> 
> thanks for all your feedback, it's amazing! I can't answer to everyone but I read your comments and I'm happy :3  
> let me know if you see any mistakes please!  
> love y'all !

And so Stiles stayed with them. Apoline asked him if he wanted his previous pack to find him. Stiles refused. The pain of the betrayal transformed in anger. Stiles wasn’t ready to face them. What if they were searching for him? They had thrown him aside anyway. If it was just to take him home, and leave him on his own, there was no point in coming back. They couldn’t forgive Stiles. He couldn’t forgive himself either. Maybe it was better for everyone. Following Apoline’s advices, they abandoned the Jeep and his phone in a town that was at least 25 miles away.

Stiles’ pregnancy was not a fun moment. The pains never stopped. It came at random moments, leaving him breathless, tear-eyed and more exhausted each time. He felt rubbed raw. He almost never left the sofa, or the bed Apoline let him use. Bendev would help, taking his pain as often as he could, but Stiles still felt it nevertheless. There was so much. Sometimes, it was unbearable, and Stiles would black out. He had seizures, and he woke up to Apoline’s worried face, as she took out the object she had forced between his jaws so that he would not bite his tongue off, and Bendev’s letting go of his limbs. The werewolf had to use so much strength to immobilize him that he had bruises.

But he was fine. At least, that was what he kept telling himself. So what if he had nightmares? What if he felt scared, terrified even? He could go on. One step at a time. He could get through this. On his own pace. Apoline never really left his side. She tried to make him talk. Say out loud every fear, every wound.

He tried. He told her about his guilt. His loneliness. How hard it was to get up sometimes. How he felt utterly alone, and sad, to the point that a weight was on his chest, and that he had to take huge breath so that he proved himself he wasn’t suffocating. He told her those feeling were there long before every shadow in Beacon Hills took the form of monsters. They were here when it was only the Sheriff, Scott, Mel and Stiles. After his mom died. At this time, he knew he wasn’t alone. He knew that. But he couldn’t do anything about it. Maybe he was the problem in the end. He had his dad, his best friend, and his mother’s best friend. He knew they cared about him. Did they? Yes they did. They did. But not anymore. Now that his hand were covered his blood. Now that their lives were filled with lies. Now they hated him.

But that’s okay, Apoline told him. It was okay. He had his baby now. And Apoline, and Bendev. And they would never give him up. No matter what he did. She promised. Every single time she found him unable to breathe, at ass o’clock at night.  Every morning when he couldn’t eat one more bite without throwing up. Every time Bendev had to hide sharp objects in the house so that he wouldn’t hurt himself. She promised. She told him he had to believe. In himself, in his spark. Because it was what made this pregnancy possible. So he had to think that things would be okay.

He learned how to use his spark, with Apoline’s help, and Bendev’s advices. The Alpha confessed to Stiles, one sleepless might, that his little sister was also a spark and that he had helped her discovering her powers. His brow furrowed in sadness, he told Stiles about his family. His alpha, his father. Who didn’t want another Alpha in his territory, may he be his son. Bendev rarely talked to them now.

Apoline told him her story too. The one of a little girl who knew things she shouldn’t. Her grandmother’s death. When her mother would break her leg, falling off her bike. Dozens of events, important, sad, happy. She just knew them. So the little girl was casted aside by her family. The daughter of a preacher man could not be a witch. She drew her path on her own.

Until one day, she met a werewolf. She didn’t know anything about the supernatural. She wasn’t aware of this hidden world. But she knew that this man, this giant, who was hesitating between carrots and tomatoes in the middle of the supermarket of her new town, was a werewolf. Of course, she went to talk to him. She became his pack. His friend. His wife.

And time went on. Stiles belly grew, and more often than not, he was bleached like a dying whale on Apoline’s sofa, making the same sounds. He was eating like a pig, carving things that would make Bendev’s dark skin take an interesting color and Apoline pinch her nose.

Before he knew, he had to push, push and fight off the pain, fight his own body that was shutting down. Force his spark to heal him, to bring the cub safely out his belly. But when Apoline put his baby, his baby boy on his chest, Stiles knew. He knew it would be okay. Because it wasn’t only about him now. It was about him and this little werewolf. His son. And he would do everything he could to protect him, and to raise him to be a happy and amazing person.

Lowell grew happily. Uncle Bendev and Aunt Apoline spoiled him way too much and he gave his father grey hair but things were fine. He was climbing every single thing he could, had a sweet tooth that forced his father to use his spark to hide the cookie box. His fangs were pointy and his werewolf baby face too cute too handle. Stiles loved him. So much he often asked himself if his heart could explode out of love. Stiles finished high school on line, and applied college online too. Lowell was too dependent on him. It was normal for a were-baby, Bendev had told him. He would only leave him room to breathe when he would be older. It happened when he was three years old. Apparently, Lowell decided that children of his age were more interesting than his father. Stiles cried a little when his baby went to school, but no one needed to know that. Stiles finished college in four years, and still online, opened a shop where he sold talismans and little charms. He would wait until he had enough founds before he brought a real shop, one that would smell like dust and magic, were he could sell books and more items.

Thinking back, it was not his smartest move. Stiles had no idea how Peter discovered he was the one behind “Smokey Cauldrons Shop”, but he was sure as hell that it was how he found him. Peter was smart, that was one thing Stiles recognized. The werewolf knew that the spark would flee if he so much as tried to approach him. So he sent him an email. And THAT, was definitely evil. Stiles may have changed a lot, but he still remained curious as hell. He hesitated still. It took him three days to open the dam thing. Stiles wondered why he didn’t delete it right away. He knew that he would have done it came from any other member of the pack, maybe even from his father. And yet, he read Peter’s. Maybe it was because he didn’t trusted Peter back in Beacon Hills. Nothing could be betrayed that way. And Peter was very cautious about how he talked to Stiles. He made no mention of the pack, apart from telling him that he hadn’t been okay with how things happened. He asked from Stiles, his baby and if he had any problems. He never once asked where he was (although he certainly already knew it, that old creep), nor demanded him to come back. Stiles accepted to talk to him, from time to time. He never saw him tough.   

Lowell was five when things turned to shit. The boy was reading Frozen for the hundredth time, sitting on the carpet, and Stiles was finishing his comic, comfortably bleached on the sofa, when the little werewolf turned to his dad:

“Daddy? When am I gonna meet my other dad?”

At the same time, Apoline and Bendev came back from grocery shopping in a hurry. Bendev snatched Lowell from the floor, asking him if he wanted to play outside, while Apoline crouched in front of Stiles. Of course, she would know he was going to have a panic attack before it even begun. He hadn’t had a panic attack in years. Four, to be precise. Lowell always kept him grounded. Yet,  that one was one of the worse of his entire existence. He blacked out.

When he opened his eyes, the living room was upside down. Apoline’s hair was sticking in every direction. Stiles would have laughed if he wasn’t crying. Apoline gently rubbed his back, until he calmed down a little.

“Daddy? Is it my fault?” A small voice said, far from the left.

Stiles turned around, to see his son hesitating on the step of the door, as if afraid to enter the house. It broke Stiles’ heart.

“No it isn’t pumpkin.” He said gently, opening his arms.

Lowell all but launched himself at him. He curled his little arms around Stiles’ ribs, sticking his ear against his father heart, sitting on his lap. Stiles closed his own limbs around him, caressing his son’s hair with his nose. Apoline and Bendev took place from either side of them, a silent support. Stiles took a huge breath. Oh god. He wasn’t ready for this. He knew that moment would come, but it was way too soon. Yet, he couldn’t lie. The baby werewolf would know. It would break their relationship. Stiles had learned from his mistakes. He wouldn’t repeat what he had done with his own dad. 

“I just remembered bad memories. It’s no one’s fault, it just happens sometimes. Lowell, you have to understand… Your other dad isn’t someone nice. He did bad things, to me and to others.”

The little werewolf wined, distressed.

Stiles took his chin and lifted it, to look in his son eyes.

“I’m alright now. I have you, and aunt Apoline, and uncle Bendev. Some people do bad things to other sometimes. But you can choose to be bad or to be nice. And you’re a nice person right?”

The pup nodded, his eyes wet with tears.

“Then everything is fine. Even if you hurt someone, if it’s not on purpose, if you apologize, then you still are a good person.”

And Stiles would know. Forgiving himself from then Nogitsune had been hard. But he had done it. If not for him, then for Lowell. The boy deserved better than a father who was wasting away, consumed by guilt.

Lowell wiggled, inhaling his father scent.

“I feel him calling me.” He muttered.

Stiles froze, as well as Bendev and Apoline.

“He calls you?” repeated Apoline.

“I didn’t see that one coming.” She growled between her teeth. Bendev reached for her hand. He knew she blamed herself when she missed something. Her talent wasn’t infinite. She knew some things, she didn’t saw other. She couldn’t control it, and had to learn to live with it. It still frustrated her.

Stiles tightened his grip on his son, letting his spark flare. _He won’t find us. He won’t._

“Loo” said gently Bendev, “How does it feel?”

The little werewolf growled.

“He wants to find me. I feel the pull. There.” He said, pressing his hand on the middle of his chest. His eyes flashed red.

“I won’t let him take me from daddy!” he shouted.

Stiles hugged him harder, kissing his forehead. He felt so proud, yet so afraid.

“But…” Lowell said, in a smaller voice. “It has become harder to fight it. It’s stronger and stronger! On the full moon, it’s hard…”

Stiles let out a sob, and Bendev a growl.

“No one takes a cub from my pack!”

Apoline caressed his hand with her thumb.

“Then we find him first. I know where he is.”

All three boys looked at her.

“You won’t love it. He’s in Beacon Hills.”

**Author's Note:**

> Musics you can listen while reading, with their spotify links:  
> Berlin- RY X https://open.spotify.com/track/2aFC6EAvz25EC0osKd8PK0  
> Linkin Park- the Messenger https://open.spotify.com/track/0pQZMrYNcfwZbt2Zt0pjaA  
> Hallelujah- Jeff Buckley https://open.spotify.com/track/74X1epeRufHckhuX1KFD04  
> Ben harper- sexual healing https://open.spotify.com/track/40kL0rQpgAULbZPHlO4qnS


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